Simple questions of life…are they?

Simple questions of life…are they?

They say challenges come in  help us grow. Inspiring stories of grit and determination that helped in achieving the coveted goal. The story of King Arthur and the spider who failed to weave a web but kept trying until he finally could manage to weave it completely. Those who face and surmount indeed scale a new height but what about those who are unable to. We read about a Sachin Tendulkar or an Amitabh Bachchan but behind them there are millions who were passionate about cricket or films but failed to make their mark. Like, it is just who they are. There is nothing right or wrong about it. There are many who put efforts while there are some who are just disinclined to put the effort needed. Does that mean they cannot have dreams? Does that mean they do not have right to live or more clearly live comfortably, at their own pace? Has life always to be a rat race?

Not necessarily if there is one joker in the pack – destiny. Unknown to all of us. It is that joker which can turn the tables and a looser becomes a winner. What about that person then who lost,who had all the merit, had put in all efforts and yet destiny was not kind? Well he keeps trying like the spider till he achieves what he wants or is completely worn out. In short he has to lead a difficult path.

Then there is another joker in the pack called politics. There are umpteen stories of people who have managed to go to the top not on merit but on the basis of sycophancy. In fact when they see they can’t win on the basis of merit, they play politics.

It is an old adage – Jo jeeta wahi Sikander (the one who wins alone is the king) Lord Ram was the victor and Ravan was the vanquished .So we conclude that it is victory of bad over evil. Yet it may not be the whole truth. The world was in sway with the inspiring story of Lance Armstrong a seven time winner, his fight over metastatic testicular cancer  but latter on when he was stripped off his titles , today there is a whole new question mark on Tour de France tournament itself. The same is about cricket where match fixing has disillusioned people and no more a gentleman’s game.

Another joker in the pack is power. There could be exceptions like we see in the stories of the David and Goliath or Jack and the beanstalk. In real life the powerful shamelessly use ,in fact abuse power to overcome adversaries. That power could be money power,physical power or power of connections. It reflects as a success story but when that person looks at himself in the mirror, does the mirror on the wall tell the truth? Does his face hang in shame then or he justifies the act as the right thing to do?

A pack of cards has two or three jokers. Life has many. Another weird joker in the pack is the country you are born or do you call it simply fate?  If you are born in the US you have all the social security, all the top class facility and all you need is to perform. Yet if you are a boxer born in India in a remote village like Manipur, you have to fight all odds to become a Mary Kom.  

Spiritual texts prescribe that we have to overcome the six enemies – lust, anger, greed, attachment, pride and  jealousy. While romantic films and fairy tales always show a happy ending,in real life we find that the weak are exploited be it rape, murder, treason or coup. Sounds negative and all those who celebrate life with positive affirmations will not approve of the statement. 

So finally we come back full circle to Charles Darwin and concur to the survival of the fittest theory.Democracy or no democracy – there is no mercy or place for the weak.

Anagha Hunnurkar

May 17, 2015

On the occasion of Mother’s day ……..

On the occasion of Mother’s day ……..

All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother – Abraham Lincoln

After the daily  early morning chores , as I clicked my cellphone to open WhatsApp (WA) , there was a barrage of messages announcing Mother’s day, thanking Moms ( pictures of mirror image of MOM as  WOW),poems dedicated to mother , children remembering their respective mothers, some with lovely pictures others with heartwarming content.

Yet there were others who mentioned that they believed that every day is Mother’s Day. We don’t need to devote one day for that. Going by that reasoning, everyday is an Independence Day if you are living in a free country. Every day is Valentine Day if you are in love and everyday is mourning as we are all mortals and dying bit by bit as we progress in life. Observance of such days helps in remembering , reuniting and expressing love – an emotional well being so very necessary to make life worth it.

 There was an eye opener too:

“Going by the number of messages expressing love for mother that have been posted on WA and Face book ( FB) today, even if half of it is really felt sincerely by the children , then all old age homes in the country would see a lock at their main gate.”

Indeed a critical reflection of the modern age. However there are two sides of the same coin. It is not always that the children have to be blamed. Many a times there are ego issues that come in the way.

Yet, in India even today there are many parents living with children and also joint families. Children take full care of the parents lovingly and with due sense of responsibility. Even those that are not staying together interact and meet often.

Although this concept of Mother’s day is imported from the west it is that day during the  year when children make attempt to meet their parents. No harm in receiving a loving post from your child. It also provides a platform or a chance for love to triumph over hate. An opportunity of healing,making up and forgiveness. Some say it is a western fad. These are few good practices (including Thanksgiving), which we reticent Indians can emulate.  In India too we do have matru din, pitru din, shikshak din, bal din , Guru Pournima and many more such days in our culture.

Although we always glorify mothers , there are many who have neglected their children. Not necessarily moms in the lap of luxury but even poor moms who have forsaken their kids for their own corporal enjoyments. Children are known to be mistreated by mothers and the psychology behind it could have other varied and morbid aspects : maybe stress, forced motherhood, a girl child when the family wanted a son,transferring their own insecurities and anger on the hapless . The woman could herself be subjected to domestic violence and living a miserable life.

Forced motherhood out of rape and ignorance can be painful for both the mother and child. Societal pressures do force such moms to abandon their children. Women expelled from their homeland with nowhere to go and forced into pregnancy by the very protectors , abducted women, refugees, wives of farmers who committed suicide, all those who exposed the dignity of the woman : motherhood may be seen as a curse rather than a loving tender relationship.

It is not always parents, it could be children who are the trouble makers, stubborn and giving parents a hard time. Some children are not easy to handle as their demands far outstrip the mental , emotional or physical capacity of the mother. The kids could be reacting to effects brought about by changes in their lives: peer pressure, bad company. Children tend to sometimes misjudge the harshness as lack of love. Thus slowly but surely and gradually all love is lost . Such children may grow up to be lonely, isolated by society and end up hating mom. So it is very important for the mother to weave a relationship of love and openness so that such strains are nipped in the bud itself. A positive attitude and a balancing act –the mother is in a constant see-saw position. Today we also have many counselors and intelligent software to help handle  the situation.

Mother – an image of love and sacrifice. Yet if we think deeply, apart from our own biological mother, this day is to commemorate and celebrate the  purity in the element of ‘Motherhood’. Revered mothers like Mother Mary, Mother Teresa , Florence Nightingale, KasturBaGandhi, Savitribai Phule, Mata Amritanandmayee, Anutai Wagh, Suzanne Brown, …….the list is endless. They are the ones who really mothered the forlorn. Let us all pay obeisance to them on the occasion of Mother’s Day!

Anagha Hunnurkar

Sunday, May 10, 2015 

Survival – an instinct or extension granted by the Almighty!

Survival – an  instinct or extension granted by the Almighty!

In our pursuit to build an institution for spreading awareness about breast cancer and hope for patients affected, several initiatives have been taken. Some involve the community. Eminent doctors from hospitals are invited for a presentation about the malaise and the ways in which one can help early detection which in turn improves considerably,the probability of survival.

Women folk have a cherished unsaid motto of family first and tend to ignore their own health over priorities of the family .Breast tumor may be of the size of a pea grain initially but can grow very fast if overlooked.  Being emotional,even a fear sets in about disclosing to the family or society.  Hence to underscore the importance of immediate action, Maina Foundation collaborated with Dr. Vaze of Nagpur in production ofa film : Zizak kaisi.(why the hesitation) 

Another initiative is to help some of the marginal patients who are operated for free at the Tata Memorial Hospital but do not have even the basic resources to fund post operative care, be it chemo or radiation.

The credo of Maina Foundation is‘Join hands to fight breast cancer’. Accordingly, Maina Foundation is at forefront in collaborating with hospitals and health centers to donate mammography machines.

A recent collaboration has been with a like minded institutions:  IamHER2. There are many types and stages of breast cancer and around 1.5 lakh new patients (As of 2014) are diagnosed annually, of which nearly 25 per cent cases (1 in 5) are HER2-positive and eligible for treatment with targeted therapies.

While working with the patients,one of the need areas we felt was to have testimonies from survivors as that could give hope to other less fortunate to have the will to struggle. Some survivors readily wrote their story while some others expressed apology as they did not wish to relive the circumstance gain in their memory. A valid point we thought.

In our pursuit to collect more stories, I was approaching a survivor so that she could write her story. When I narrated our mission, she was very encouraging. Yet she refused to write the story as she said that her survival was just that God had decided to give her extension of life. She said that there were 17 women in the hospital, when she was admitted and only three survived. So those three were the chosen ones.There is nothing creditable on the patient’s part in the recovery. It is all doctors’skills and God’s will.

She said women by nature are tough and also over the years get toughened. So it is far easier for a woman to recover than a man.  While she was narrating her experience she mentioned a few do’s and don’ts.

She said visitors who come to visit are more interested in narrating how other ladies suffering from similar disease,had died. To one such visitor she said, ‘please narrate a story of success rather than death. Or else at least refrain from narrating failures’. As it is the patient is mustering up courage against all odds and such visitors create nuisance value rather than empathy.

Another important thing is to go through the entire process of treatment as recommended by the doctor with full faith and not to use one’s own judgment to decide the line of treatment or interfere with borrowed opinion. Take your time to decide which doctor you would like to approach based on cost benefit analysis as these treatments are extremely costly. Once a doctor has been decided, leave all decisions to his wisdom.

Around the time that she was diagnosed for breast cancer, there were two deaths in the family. So people already concluded that she will be third in row to complete the sequence. How crude and rude? Please think of the patient’s psychology she urged. Please give her hope. Albeit there are support groups and websites that help the patient with guidance yet the atmosphere surrounding the patient is that of melancholy as if the patient has already passed away.

Worst of all she mentioned was that her grandson was born around the same time. People brashly remarked that he was a bad omen. Now what is it that the innocent child had done? She said painfully.

Let us all be truly empathetic while visiting a patient. Let us pledge to inspire the patient rather than discourage him. Remember as it is the patient is undergoing a trauma and don’t let her go down the abyss.

She opened my eyes to a great new truth: There is nothing creditable on the part of the survivor: It is all God’s design.

Anagha Hunnurkar

3^rd May 2015

Malaika nakupenda Malaika

Malaika nakupenda Malaika

Malaika, nakupenda , Malaika - This famous Kiswahili song by the African singer Mamma Miriam Makeba is an all time hit. It means ‘My angel,  love you, my angel.’ The song with her heavenly voice and lilting music captures you. The melody makes its place in your heart just like the time when you first would have heard ‘Come September!’ So even if you don’t comprehend the language,  you do sway in the mood.

And why I recall this? Let me tell you the story of Disha:

Disha had been my son’s classmate when we were in Dar and we had known the family quite closely. Disha was 13 then-demure and sweet with lovely expressive eyes – she was a born performer.  Her father Souravda - an accomplished corporate top executive, well respected in the community and her mother Sangeeta - a talent house of music. I used to take singing lessons from her and used to admire her patience as I just do not have the voice to sing but have great passion for music.

While our singing sessions were on, at their house,never realized when Sangeeta and me became friends. I was always treated with fresh lemon grass tea at their home, which I relished. We had transformed from a  Guru – chela relationship and singing lessons became just an excuse for forging our friendship. I still have the ‘Saicharitra’ that Sangeeta had so lovingly presented to me. Sangeeta – Saibhakta and a great human soul! By and by came to know Disha too.Somehow I struck an equally beautiful chord with the daughter just as I had with her mom. We used to discuss at length about just anything under the sun from her career choices to films to current topics to sweet nothings. She used to come out of her study for a short break and seeing me in the living room ,would spend a few minutes chatting.  I was lucky to see her stage performance, too.  

Soon mom and daughter duo left for India after her SSC exams to settle in Kolkatta. As an only child, she was doted by her parents. Sangeeta chaperoned her so that Disha could make her mark in the career of her choice. Souravda was all by himself in Dar. Disha had made a portfolio of her and had showed me all the snaps. She looked lovely in a modern attire and was gorgeous even as a village belle. By and by time passed and she bagged a role in one of the TV serials. News came that she has been received well by the audience and we were all happy for her success.

Disha had visited Dar after she had become successful as an actress in her own right. She was combining studies with profession and was pursuing an arts degree. Yet when she came visiting she was the same old humble Disha – loving and caring, respecting elders. Fame had not gone to her head! All this was six years back! She was just 17 then and so much success at such a young age could have made any one have high airs.

She was as friendly to me and my son as she was before. How nice, I had said to myself!

Shortly thereafter, we too relocated to India and life was flowing its normal flow. 

One fine day my son calls up to tell me ‘Aai, Dishane suicide keli! She is no more’ OMG! Was I believing my ears? ‘Were you in touch with her’ I asked him ‘ No ma, have not spoken to her since last two years but now I am feeling so bad! Wish I was in touch with her. Wish I could have at least discussed and stopped her from taking this drastic step.’ Both of us were in a state of shock.  Disha the darling of the Bengali TV screen –an actress par excellence with a promising career , all of 23 …why Disha why!

The lemon grass tea would never be refreshing again!

Then it was Google Google to find out news about Disha! The news kept haunting me! Disha’s face book page was full of obituaries and I could make out that her Dar classmates too were shaken up by the news. Her beautiful face kept on surfacing in my memory now and then as if she wanted to tell something more than what the newspapers said.  Every two days I would Google to find out more about her ! I do not wish to go in what is right and what is wrong...what the society should do and the like. It is all easy to blame but the fact remains  that a promising career was lost as it could not handle the pressure.  In some way wanted to connect with Souravda and Sangeeta! The pain of losing a child sent shivers in my spine! 9th April 2015, can never be the same.

We normally say: May your soul RIP! But come to think of it, the soul never dies. It just leaves one body to take another form. Disha you continue to live in our memories! What happened to you is sad and may be in your best judgment you chose to leave this world but my dear, it was just the body that you left. Your soul would still be pining and am sure would one day get what it wants.

The word Malaika now has an identity – yes it’s you  - Disha! We all love you!

It is now an ode to the lost child - Malaika, sisi upendo wewe,  Malaika!

Love

Anagha aunty

Sunday, April 26, 2015